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Jun
01

Ten Reasons Single Men Won’t Commit

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Why do men stay single?  Why do men have issues with commitment?  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

The ten reasons why single men won’t commit:
1. Single men can get sex from a single woman without marriage more easily than in times past.  Single men view single women they meet in bars and dance clubs as casual sex partners rather than as someone they would marry. Many men can get a night in bed with a single woman they meet in a bar without even paying for dinner. However, once they have casual sex, men say, they are less respectful and interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman.
2. Single men can have the benefits of having a wife by living with a woman rather than marrying.
3. Single men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
4. Single men want to wait until they are older to have children. Many single men think they have a longer biological clock than woman and point to Larry King. The reality is that most single men aren’t aware of the genetic problems associated with the paternal age of a father over 40. See Male Biological Clock NYT Many single men who do want to have children are starting to realize that they want to be at a young enough age to enjoy them and really don’t want to be a grandfather to their child.
5. Single me fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises
6. Until they find a soul mate, however, single men are willing to wait to get married. They don’t want to “settle” for second best in their choice of a marriage partner, though they don’t have the same standards for a choice of a live-in girlfriend. Some single men see their live-in girlfirend as a second best partner while they continue to look for a soul mate.
7.Single men face few social pressures to marry.  Single men today have little traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry. Some single men will experience mild, teasing pressures from parents who wanted grandchildren, or from married buddies, but they shrugged this off. Some single men will think about marriage when their friends began to get married. But the effect of some of their friends’ divorces and doomed relationships keep single men from feeling pressure to marry
8. Single men avoid dating and are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.  Some single men are uncomfortable with being thrust into the role of a play “daddy.” Also, the feel bad if they establish a relationship with the children and then break up with their mother. And most single men don’t want to avoid competition and conflict with the children’s biological father
9. Single men want to be financially “set” before they marry. For many men, this means owning a house before they marry
10. Single men want to enjoy their single lifestyle as long as they can. Many single men want to soe their “wild oats”.  Single men who have gone through this stage can become stable committed partners that have matured and grown up to become better partners.

 

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Some things to think about for singles as they date…..the latest data reveals about who is getting married, when they’re getting married, and who is most likely to divorce.

  • 44% of American adults are currently unmarried (Census Bureau 2000 data).
  • ·  The average age of a woman getting married in the United States is 27. Bride’s Magazine The average age of a man getting married in the United States is 29. Bride’s Magazine.

    · 88 percent of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe that they have a soul mate who is waiting for them.  University Wire, Louisiana State University

    ·  59 percent of marriages for women under the age of 18 end in divorce within 15 years. The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those married at age 20 or older. “Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States,” M.D. Bramlett and W.D. Mosher

    ·  60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce.  National Center for Health Statistics

    ·  50 percent of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage.  National Center for Health Statistics

    · 57.7 % of marriages end in divorce, 75% of second marriages end in divorce Dr. Phil

    · 65 percent of altar-bound men and women live together before getting married.  Bride’s Magazine

    ·Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. The Boston Herald

    ·  A recent study on cohabitation concluded that after five to seven years, only 21 percent of unmarried couples were still living together.  The Boston Herald

    ·  55 percent of cohabitating couples get married within five years of moving in together. Forty percent of couples who live together break up within that same time period.  Annual Review of Sociology

     · Children of divorce have a higher risk of divorce when they marry, and an even higher risk if the person they marry comes from a divorced home. One study found that when the wife alone had experienced a parental divorce, her odds of divorce increased to 59 percent. When both spouses experienced parental divorce, the odds of divorce nearly tripled to 189 percent. Journal of Marriage and the Family

    ·The likelihood that a woman will eventually marry is significantly lower for those who first had a child out of wedlock. By age 35, only 70 percent of all unwed mothers are married in contrast to 88 percent of women who have not had a child out of wedlock. “Finding a Mate? The Marital and Cohabitation Histories of Unwed Mothers,” Lawrence L. Wu and Barbara Wolf.

     

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Start the New Year right. Stop sitting in front of your computer. Get out there and make some new friends and meet the love of your life. Here are some ideas to help jump start your love life.

1. Take a class that interests you. Community College extension classes or places like the Learning Annex are great places to meet people with similar interests.

2. Take a wine tasting class. It is a great way to impress your friends at the dinner table or your next date, and you just might meet someone interesting in the process.

3. Go to a dog park. Single men and women who have dogs make particularly good partners, providing you like dogs. Singles with pets have the ability to care for another being, a sense of responsibility, and are able to form emotional attachments.

4. Go to a 12-step meeting, if you have a problem with drugs or alcohol you need the help, anyway. It’s also a great way to meet people who are willing to work on themselves. If you are the child of an alcoholic check out Adult Children or if you need help dealing with a relative or friend with a problem, Al-anon is a great place to go.

5. Religious singles should try their local place of worship. Attending services is a great way to meet people. Also, many religious organizations offer events and classes specifically geared towards singles.

6. Get out and go to restaurants. Try new places or restaurants that cater to singles or have music at night, which tends to attract a more social crowd. Sites like citysearch and aol ditigal city can help you search based on location, cuisine, nightlife, etc.

7. Online dating is a great way to meet people. You can learn a lot about a people based on their online profiles. Anyone who fills out a profile shows that he or she is motivated to meet people, is literate, and has a certain level of organizational skill. Make sure that, when you meet online dates for the first time, you do it in a public place and take all reasonable safety precautions until you know that person really well.

8. Speed dating which began in the 1990’s was the brainchild of Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish Ha Torah in Los Angeles. Originally formed to help Jewish men and women meet Jewish mates, over time speed dating has lost its religious connection and has spread all over the world. Speed dating, which is like musical chairs with human chemistry, is a proven and time effective way to meet a future partner. At a speed dating event, all men and women are given a numbered badge. The women are usually seated at individual tables and the men will rotate around the room meeting each of the women. A bell will ring signaling the beginning of the date and each couple then spends four to eight minutes (depending on the host’s rules) interviewing each other before the bell rings and the men move on to sit across from the next woman. During that time, speed daters can ask anything about each other except name, age and occupation. At the end of the evening, after going on 20 or so dates, the women write down the badge number of any men they are interested in meeting again for a regular date and the men do the same. If there are any mutual love connections, the host then lets the couples know.

9. Ask everyone you know to set you up on a blind date. Blind dates are a great way to meet people because the person who is setting you up knows both of you and is hopefully basing their decision on more than the fact that you are both single. If someone knows both your personalities they just might help you find your soulmate.

10. Bookstores are a great place to meet literate singles. Most bookstores have seating areas and some even have coffee bars.

11. Try singles groups. There are singles groups organized around seemingly every type of interest and age group for you to seek out and join.

12. Hit the gym. You can meet health conscious people and, even if you don’t meet someone, you are still doing something healthy that will extend your life and keep you fit.

13. Physical activity is a good way to meet singles. Start rock-climbing, surfing, skiing, playing tennis or golf. You never know who will meet while being active and doing what you love.

14. Go to sporting events. Football games, baseball games, tennis matches, golf tournaments, hockey games, extreme sports championships, and any other type of sporting event can be a great way to meet someone.

15. If you are looking for a woman, go where the women are: nail salons, spas, and hair salons are great places to meet well-groomed women and become a well-groomed man.

16. Going to a retreat can help you find singles with similar interests. Spending time away from home learning a new skill like meditation, yoga, or even self-exploration can be good for you, anyway.

17. Take a cooking class. You can master the art of the culinary seduction and meet someone at the same time.

18. Go to a convention for a hobby or interest.
19. Check your local paper for listings of upcoming special events and fun activities.
20. Matchmakers are back again. Not just for characters from Fiddler on the Roof! There are individual matchmakers as well as companies that set people up. There is even a company that only sets people up on lunch dates.

21. Take a magazine, book, or the weekend paper and go read at a quick outdoor restaurant like Jamba Juice, Noah’s Bagels, Starbucks, or Coffee Bean.

22. Happy hour isn’t just for drinking. Many restaurants and bars offer a special happy hour menu. People tend to be a little more social and open to meeting people after work.

23. You can always find sports-loving men at a sports bar when there is a big game playing. Often the bars will offer free drinks to women on those nights.

24. Volunteer! Studies show that people who volunteer have fewer incidents of depression and higher self esteem. Volunteering is a great way to feel like you serve a purpose in the world and a great way to meet people. Check out an organization like Volunteer Match to help you find an organization you will be excited to help.

25. Take sports lessons. Learning a new sport can help your fitness level and you never know who you will meet in your class.

26. Go shopping. Pick stores based on the kind of person you are looking for and spend some time browsing. Ask fellow shoppers to help find a gift for your “relative.

27. Go to a magazine stand. Hang out and read while looking for interesting people with whom to start conversations.

28. Go hang out at a coffee house. The more social the hangout, the better.

29. Go car shopping. Not in the market for a new car yet? Have fun browsing and talk to other customers. Each one is a potential date.

30. One isn’t such a lonely number. It is an approachable number. Go out to eat by yourself. It makes you easier to talk to. Bring a book or magazine if you are worried about being bored.

31. Go to a concert or a play. If you have the same taste in music or theater, who knows what else you have in common?

32. Start a blog. It is a great way to be creative and be part of an online community.

33. Go to the public library. Cruise the shelves for smart singles. Make sure to check out specific libraries like college libraries and medical libraries.

34. Start a company newsletter. This gives people from other departments a reason to talk to you. It could be good for your career too.

35. Circulate a sports pool. It’s a great excuse to talk to people at work you might never speak to. Ask friends if they know anyone who might like to join.

36. Host a coed (or single sex if you are gay) poker game.

37. Throw a singles party. Tell each friend you invite they have to bring two singles friends.

38. Take a singles trip. Check with a travel agent or do some online research to find cruises or trips just for singles.

39. Take dance lessons. You can learn to dance at a dance studio or, better yet, try a club that offers classes like The Derby. If you arrive without a partner the instructor will pair you up.

40. Learn the art of public speaking. You can boost your career skills and meet interesting people at the same time. Public speaking organizations such as Toastmasters are free.

41. Attend a trade show for fun. You will get lots of free goodies and maybe a date.

42. Start an investment club. You can become financially savvy, make some money, and meet new people.

43. Try a cuddle party. Cuddle Parties are affectionate play events for adults, designed to provide a space to explore and enjoy touch, nurturing and communication.

44. Hang out at the pool. Find a friend that lives in an apartment or condominium that has a pool where people hang out on the weekends.

45. Go spend a day at the beach.

46. Learn how to surf.

47. Organize a neighborhood watch. It is a great way to meet your neighbors, make your neighborhood safer, and meet a potential date.

48. Train for a marathon. Groups like the LA Leggers and the LA Roadrunners teach people how to train for the event, organize group runs and has guest speakers.

49. Ride a bike. Check out the bike paths in your neighborhood.

50. Do your grocery shopping after work or on weekends. You stand a better chance of meeting employed singles.

51. Join a car club like the Sports Car Club of America, BMW, Muscle Car Club, or Aston Martin. You don’t have to own a car to be a member of most car clubs. You can go to the events and even learn driving skills.

52. Attend a car show. Women this is a great place to meet single men.
53. Take a vacation. Places like club med cater to singles. There are lots of singles cruises to choose from.
54. Join a museum group. Museums aren’t just about art. There are car museums, wax museums, science museums, and even tar pit museums.

55. Try going to a performance driving school like BMW Driving School, Evolution Driving School, Derek Daly Academy, Fast Track Driving School or any number of others available in your area.

56. Attend an air show, a great place for women to meet single men.

57. Learn to sky dive from a certified instructor.

58. Learn to play an instrument.

59. Get a membership in a private social group or club.

60. Learn a language. Try a group class at a place like Berlitz. You could be learning the language of love! There are lots of practice groups with singles wanting to work on their language skills.

61. Take an art class. Painting, ceramics, watercolors, drawing, sculpting can all be great ways to explore your creativity and meet other creative people.

62. Go to a home improvement store. You can improve your home and your love life all at once.

63. Get on the board of a charity. It is a great way to give back to the community and meet generous people.

64. Feed the homeless. Many homeless shelters have programs that allow people to come in and work in the soup kitchen. It is a great way to donate your time and meet other kind souls.

65. Get politically involved. Get involved with your political party or volunteer to work for a candidate who is running for office.

66. Get involved in a political group. Young Democrats and Young Republicans are great groups to meet single young professionals that share common political beliefs.
67. Join a singles bowling or volleyball league.

68. Go for a walk in a different neighborhood or visit a jogging track.

69. Learn how to sail. Take a lesson or join a club.

70. Learn how to fly a plane.

71. Get certified in scuba. Most scuba schools offer snorkeling classes, instructor training, and can even hook you up with scuba travel destinations.

72. Get involved with the Sierra Club . The Sierra Clubs has more than 750,000 members. Inspired by nature, the Sierra Club members work to protect our communities and the planet. The club also has young professional groups in many cities.

73. Take an architectural tour of your city.
74. Go furniture shopping. Ask someone cute for advice.

75. If you are a single parent, check out Parents Without Partners. PWP helps parents who are struggling to raise children alone, contend with the emotional conflicts of divorce, separation, widowhood or having children out of wedlock. PWP Inc. is the only international organization that provides real help by means of discussions, professional speakers, study groups, publications and social activities for families and individuals. 76. If you have children, take a parenting class for singles. It will make you a better parent and you never know who you might meet.

77. Go visit an internet cafe©.

78. Spend a day at the hospital. Find out about volunteering, eat in the cafeteria, and shop in the gift shop.

79. Take your friend’s dating leftovers. Make a pact to set each other up with up with eligible dates that don’t work out for each of you. One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.

80. Have a “Dating Leftovers” party, like Charlotte did in Sex in the City. Ask each invitee to bring someone of the opposite sex (same sex if you are gay) who they are not interested in dating themselves.

81. Host a holiday dinner. Lots of transplanted singles have nowhere to go during the holidays. Be inclusive and invite friends to bring friends. The more the merrier!

82. Get a tattoo. If you are into tattoos you just may meet another like-minded tattoo lover. Just make sure the tattoo parlor follows all heath and safety precautions before you let them work on you. If you hit it off with someone you meet there, do not get a tattoo of your new friend’s name.

83. Go to your class reunion. Everything old is new again!

84. Take your dog to obedience class. You end up with a better behaved puppy and can meet other dog lovers.

85. Write or answer a personal ad. Make sure to meet in a public place to be safe.

86. Get a second job. You can meet new people and make some dough.

87. Learn to tend bar. Making a good mixed drink can be sexy. You can meet people in the classes or after you finish, working as a bartender.

88. Take pictures. Spend a day taking pictures around town. If you take a great picture of someone, get their info so you can send it to them later. You can also meet people in a photography class.

89. Bake cookies for a new neighbor to welcome him or her to the neighborhood.

90. Go for high tea if you are looking for women.

91. Take martial arts or a self defense class. You will increase you own sense of safety, get stronger, and you might meet interesting people.

92. Instead of washing your car at home, go to a car wash.

93. If you have kids, take them to an amusement park. It is great place to meet other parents, hopefully lots of single parents.

94. Teach a class about something in which you are an expert.

95. Visit a friend at work. Have your friend introduce you to his or her office friends.

96. Eat in a cafeteria. People tend to be more social in a cafeteria setting. Choose the one at your own work or meet up with a friend or colleague at his or her workplace cafeteria.

97. Go to a wedding alone. Parties that celebrate important milestones like: a Bar or Bat Mitvah, a christening, a graduation parties, a Bris, a baby naming, or a sweet 16 are all great places to meet singles.
98. Try friendship sites like Friendster or MySpace.

99. Go to a house party.

100. Host a singles party. Throw a theme party, an Academy Awards party, a Halloween party, a TV Show party.

 

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Oct
03

Meet Single Millionaires

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Single ladies, if you have tired of living on peanut butter sandwiches and low rent living, it’s time to get serious about finding a wealthy man.  A recent article for the Ellen show talked about  eight percent of the nation’s households qualifying as millionaires these days. So marrying someone with substantial money and assets is not as diffiult as you might think.  They key is finding your wealthy man.Here is an interesting list of 10 cities to help aid you in your search for Mr. or Mrs. Millionaire:

1. Los Alamos, N.M.

This place is a gold mine for singles on the hunt.  Los Alamos has fewer than 8,000 households, yet one in five has a net worth of more than a million dollars. Los Alamos employs some of the government’s highest-paid nuclear researchers who, due to a shockingly low percentage of women in science, are mostly men (median age 42 and only a 61% marriage rate).To top it off  the prospects are rich and smart. You’ll find folks at nearby Pajarito and Angel Fire mountains to catch a ski lift with the more adventurous types.  If you are into art, Santa Fe and Taos have similar income bracket and a quick car ride away.

2. Naples/Marco Island, Fla.

This is a golf haven for men with deep pockets. Naples is probably more more “Sugar Daddy” territory than an area for young singles businessmen but with age comes experience (wink, wink).

3. Fairfield County, Conn.

Only an hour northeast of New York, this metro area is filled with corporate wealth. Conneticut is where high-paid single executives who commute to the city look to these  suburbs as a place to settle their families, but Bridgeport, Stamford, Greenwich and Westport are home to Xerox, Priceline.com, Subway Restaurants and the U.S. headquarters of Virgin Atlantic. Almost one in seven households have a net worth of at least $1 million.

4. Hilton Head/Beaufort, S.C.

As a premiere resort town off the southern tip of South Carolina, Hilton Head is also attracting a growing population of affluent residents. Thus, 13.4% of its population is considered millionaire  The area has 23 golf courses, 300 tennis courts, eight marinas and 12 miles of white sandy beaches. While any of these venues offers the opportunity for a brush with wealthy singles, take a trip to the town of Bluffton, just off the island, where the Rose Hill Plantation hosts seasonal polo matches.

5. Louisville, Ky.

Louisville is where you’ll find cargo shipping, fast food and liquor magnates.  Single executives abound at Papa Johns Pizza and Yum! Brands.

6. San Jose, Calif.

Silicon Valley is still swarming with dot com millionaires along with single executives that work for Hewlett-Packard, Apple Computer, Yahoo, Google, Intel and Sun Microsystems.  Highly-paid talent and executives and innovative entrepreneurs are busy with galleries, wine tasting and clubbing after work.

7. Washington, D.C.

Tthe suburbs surrounding DC boast single millionaires from all kinds of different industries — AOL, Sprint, Nextel, Capital One and Lockheed Martin. Head over to equestrian center and Jack Nicklaus-designed golf course at Creighton Farms, a gated community in Loudoun, Va., developed in conjunction with Ritz-Carlton, and you will be in the company of quite a few single equestrians who are worth more than seven figures.  You can meet wealthy DC Singles at charity funraisers.

8. Los Angeles County

LA is the gold digging capital of the US.  You can score a single man with money here but it can be difficult to pick him out of a crowd so saturated with affluence, and you’re in for some serious competition. Gold digging is a tradition around these parts.  Can’t be bothered with all of the moving and shaking, the choreographed drinks, dinners and being in the right place at the right time? All hope is not lost — get on the Internet! The likelihood is, if your future husband or wife has the kind of high-powered job that earns multi-millions, they don’t have the time to serial date, which makes the task of finding a mogul much harder. But on Web sites like Match.com (search for income of $150k or more) and Sugar Daddy you can find a wealthy date online from the comfort of your home.  Meet wealthy LA Singles face to face at local events and fundraisers.

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Single men find Internet flirting easier because it’s low risk compared to putting their heart on the line in a public bar, at a party or a sleazy nightclub. Many women feel a little safer interacting online and checking out the man slowly.

Once you create a profile and start to peruse the personals, what can you write in emails to interest your top picks to correspond with you? What are the secrets to flirting online?

When jumping online, use these Ten Online Flirting Success Tips to help you get to first dates faster.

1. Keep it Simple Use light-hearted emails with an upbeat tone to attract dates online. Keep it to 3 or 4 witty sentences.

2. Don’t Give One-Word Answers There’s nothing more annoying than trying to have a chat conversation and just getting back a bunch of “lol”s and “hahaha”.

3. Use Humor A date with a sense of humor is important. That you have the confidence to use humor is sexy. Sense of humor” ranks high on everyone’s list of desirable traits in a potential mate, but it’s surprising how rarely people demonstrate this characteristic. Take the time to come up with a charming line that’s tailored to the person you’re writing.

4. Compliment Your Interest. Find something in their profile that you can compliment or gently joking about a shared interest, such as pets, travel or sports. Bring up a funny story from your past.

5. Use a Screen Name That is Cute and Not Creepy. Have a screen name that is creative and fun. Make sure there are no sexual innuendos your screen name. Women are turned off by screen names like “John69”

6. Keep Conversation Light What you say is not particularly important, but whatever you say, try to keep your conversation positive. Don’t be negative, arrogant, or pushy; just be friendly. Avoid asking someone for their phone number on your first flirt online.

7. Minimize the Use of Emoticons They get irritating or can be misread by people who don’t know you.

8. Acknowledge What the Other Person is Saying. Use their screen name as you would their real name if you were meeting in person.

9. Be Sensitive to How Others React to Your Flirting. As in real life, note the difference between a response to your advance that takes a step backward and one that shows interest with equal flirtatiousness. Keep in mind that the other person might be shy online.

10. Lower Your Expectations. Flirting is fun, but only if you don’t take it too seriously. Most of the time, you’ll just flirt with someone for a short time and then maybe never talk to them again. If you always go in to flirting expecting to date or even marry the person you’re flirting with, you’re going to be very disappointed–and you’ll probably seem a little desperate. Remember, you’re just flirting.

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