From Reuters: Men prefer being single over a bad marriage. 

Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.

Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single — and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.

He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage — but they were afraid of a bad marriage.

“Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all,” Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.

“This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don’t marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures.”

The release of his book “So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn’t Wed,” comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men — and women — to tie the knot.

Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.

AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES

Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors:

• 8 percent who never want to marry
• 62 percent want to marry but of which half won’t settle for anything less than perfection
• 30 percent who are on the fence.

As for having children:

• Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children
• Three out of 10 want to be a father
• The rest were undecided.

But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.

“It’s so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you’re in a hurry to get married you’ll be frustrated,” he said.

Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men’s fear of commitment.

“Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool,” said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.

“While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them.”

Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy. “A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life,” he said. “They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married.”

For him, researching the book made him also look at himself — and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time. “Now we’re looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn’t change, nothing would,” he said.

Why do men stay single?  Why do men have issues with commitment?  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

The ten reasons why single men won’t commit:
1. Single men can get sex from a single woman without marriage more easily than in times past.  Single men view single women they meet in bars and dance clubs as casual sex partners rather than as someone they would marry. Many men can get a night in bed with a single woman they meet in a bar without even paying for dinner. However, once they have casual sex, men say, they are less respectful and interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman.
2. Single men can have the benefits of having a wife by living with a woman rather than marrying.
3. Single men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
4. Single men want to wait until they are older to have children. Many single men think they have a longer biological clock than woman and point to Larry King. The reality is that most single men aren’t aware of the genetic problems associated with the paternal age of a father over 40. See Male Biological Clock NYT Many single men who do want to have children are starting to realize that they want to be at a young enough age to enjoy them and really don’t want to be a grandfather to their child.
5. Single me fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises
6. Until they find a soul mate, however, single men are willing to wait to get married. They don’t want to “settle” for second best in their choice of a marriage partner, though they don’t have the same standards for a choice of a live-in girlfriend. Some single men see their live-in girlfirend as a second best partner while they continue to look for a soul mate.
7.Single men face few social pressures to marry.  Single men today have little traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry. Some single men will experience mild, teasing pressures from parents who wanted grandchildren, or from married buddies, but they shrugged this off. Some single men will think about marriage when their friends began to get married. But the effect of some of their friends’ divorces and doomed relationships keep single men from feeling pressure to marry
8. Single men avoid dating and are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.  Some single men are uncomfortable with being thrust into the role of a play “daddy.” Also, the feel bad if they establish a relationship with the children and then break up with their mother. And most single men don’t want to avoid competition and conflict with the children’s biological father
9. Single men want to be financially “set” before they marry. For many men, this means owning a house before they marry
10. Single men want to enjoy their single lifestyle as long as they can. Many single men want to soe their “wild oats”.  Single men who have gone through this stage can become stable committed partners that have matured and grown up to become better partners.

Over 500 men were polled for an unscientific survey in April on Don’t Date Him Girl. A whopping 67% of them said they would be monogamous if they knew how to deal with the temptations they face every day.

Many of the men they polled said they want to be faithful, but no one ever gave them a 12-step plan for staying monogamous. Another interesting piece of information:Â what a woman thinks is cheating isn’t the same as what a man thinks. Which means there is definitely a anguage barrier between the sexes when it comes to monogomy and faithfulness.

Men were also asked if cheating would become a thing of the past if men had a guide to staying faithful.  According to 33% of men who responded to the poll, they said that even if they knew how to stay faithful, it would be difficult because they are programmed by society to lust after women and usually more than one at a time.  Which in turn leads them into temptation and infidelity.

Other interesting love stats from the survey:

• 73% of men in the survey kept secrets from their significant others
• 21% of men  in the survey visit sexually-oriented websites at least once a day while in a relationship
• 56% of men  in the survey fantasize about other women while in a relationship
• 8% of men  in the survey have virtual sex online with a person they don’t know personally at least once a week while in a relationship

How do you put your best foot forward and make a good impression on a first date? Focus on avoiding anything that will turn off your date. Here are some items that turn off single men about the women they date:
1. A date with bad breath
2. Their date can’t hold a conversation
3. She says yes to everything
4. Their date has a bad attitude
5. A woman with bad hygiene. Take a shower before your date!
6. A woman who plays “stupid” and doesn’t show her intelligence.
7. Man Haters. A woman who holds grudges or is bitter towards men. 
8. A woman with cynical or weird humor.
9. Rudeness to wait staff at restaurants and other public service help.
10. Using foul language.  It’s unladylike.  A guy thinks about bringing you around friends, collegues, and family.
11. A woman who is too shy or lacks of confidence
12. She doesn’t find the guy funny.  If you don’t smile and laugh it makes a guy uncomfortable
13. Judgemental, opinionated or critical-women who make assumptions about you before they get to know you tend to interject with “comments” that are judgemental.
14. A woman who spends the date interrogating him.  Getting to know someone is done over time.  If a man feels like his date is cross examining him with the skill of an attorney, he’ll run.
15. Talking about an ex boyfriend or husband.  Men don’t want to hear about how bad the last guy was.

Online dating has it’s moments. The weird and icky people you come across as you peruse the profiles your search. And the even more bizarre folks that write you. Here are the reasons single women will hit the DELETE button:

10. Your entire profile consists of some of the following phrases:

“fun-loving”, “open-minded” and “looking for that “special friend, lover” sounds like you are just looking for sex or exotic sex
“I’ll tell you later” in response to questions posed by the online dating service (tells us you are uncommitted to an answer, lazy, or just looking for something casual).
“Simple man” tells us that you are a bore.
“No Mind Games Please” tells us you have had bad experiences with women and don’t trust them.
“Laid-back and “enjoying life to its fullest” We all love fun. Everyone seems to think they are laid back. They are NOT. And if you were living life to its fullest, you would  be having on hot date right now instead of messing around on the internet trying to find someone to have it with.

9. Your online dating profile has:
-the number “69″ such as Steve 69 I don’t care of you were born in 1969, the sexual innuendo in your profile name is enough to make me run.
-a name that make me want to run: knight in shining armor, knight, tiger, prince, king, vegas, cat, rat, poke, passionate, fox, hound, player, toy
-”New Friends Wanted or Lonely”-makes you sound like a desperate loner
- “A package deal” with a photo of your kids tells me your kids come first and we will never have alone time.

8. All of your photos were taken by yourself, using a cell phone camera or webcam. Get some friends to take you photo. By the way, we can tell by the hair cut and the clothes the photo is ten years old.

7. You are way out of my age range . I am not looking for a rich sugar daddy or celebrity, nor am I looking for a boy. If you are old enough to have kids in college. or young enough to think that stolen street signs are appropriate decor, do not contact me.

6. Your photo is shirtless/bare-chested. Sorry, but when we see a photo of a guy from a computer web cam bare-chested we assume he sits at his computer naked, and plays with himself while watching porn.

5. Currently separated is NOT legally divorced. I don’t care you are a week from signing the papers. Don’t wink or email me until the papers have been signed. In fact, don’t‚ wink until you’ve had a year or two to adjust. I’m really not interested in being your rebound relationship. Actually, don’t wink until you’ve been divorced long enough to at least question whether or not your marriage was that bad, and you’re really ready to get into a long-term relationship again. And if it was divorce #3, don’t wink, don’t email, don’t bother me.

4. If your hair is longer than mine, I don’t think you are a rebel, I think you have gender issues. My world is a mullet-free, clean cut, clean shaven zone.

3. Ball caps are for frat boys, or outdoor sports and beards tell me you are too lazy too shave or a secretive person. If I see you in a “lid” I assume I will have to see you in person wearing a “lid” all the time. We also assume a guy in a lid for a primary photo is hiding a bald head or a rug. Oh, and goatees are so 2000. Get with the times. Your main photo should show your full face, hair cut, and cleanly shaved

2. Spell and grammer check. Use it.

1. If I enjoyed exchanging raunchy emails and phone calls with perfect strangers, I would be getting paid for it. When I receive emails and calls that are raunchy I assume you do prostitutes. YUK!

Whether it’s your profile or an email you are sending, think about this ten items as you write and the impression you are giving your online love interest.