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Putting Your Heart Online: How to Write a Great Personals Profile
Creating an effective ad that gets results: Do's and Don'ts By Anna Winters
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes. Think of this as creating your personal resume. Many of the online systems provide a multiple choice matching along with an essay. After someone finds you with a "match", it is your essay portion that can make you shine. It is crucial to fill out the essay completely, with at least 2 or three sentences per question asked. You can come back to the essay later on many systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour filling this out. People who do not fill out the essay are not taking seriously and get passed on for other profiles that are more forthcoming. Be honest in your ad.
What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately. Include hard data such as your height, weight, body type, educational background and profession. Show your personality. Talk about your hobbies, interests, activities you enjoy, movies, books, or music you enjoy, where you like to travel, and minimally about your work (do not give your place of employment....keep it general such as: I am a nurse at a local clinic, an accountant with a medium size company, etc). Don't share too much information or write a book.....just write enough to get them interested. You have to leave something to talk about later.
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You don't want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of mush (can you hear your potential dates heading for the door?), but you do want to communicate things people can relate to: where you're from, where you are, where you're going in life, what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life. DON'T fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may love your dog, have a great career, live to ski, and those are great things to talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and only that, you're going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed. Show your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor into what you write. Tell what you are like, and don't try to make false impressions. False impressions will back fire in the online dating arena as much as they will in the rest of your life. Relax, and let your true self show through. There are people who will like who you are.
Don't dwell on your problems and limitations. This is not the place to talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship didn't work out, or problems at work. You can talk about this later after you get to know someone. If you have children, mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and sex. Do not spend time talking about your children or reveal their names. People are wanting to look at a profile that focuses on YOU, not your immediate family. You can talk about your childcare arrangements and coaching little league soccer, etc later. People looking at your profile want to know you have time for them. Focusing on your children and their activities can give the impression that you will have limited time.
What you are looking for: Think about who you are and what you are looking for. To make friends? Fall in love? Meet someone to hang out with? Do you want something short term or long term? Do you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for a cultured man between 32-45 who is a Christian, attends church, college educated, and is into opera and gallery hopping). (Ex. Looking for a down to earth gal between 22-30 that likes the country, camping, country music, country dancing and NASCAR). Don't say that you are looking for the love of your life and want to get married....this will scare a lot of people away. Its good idea to state the general type of person you are hoping to meet, but don't overdo it. If you set down too many requirements you will miss out on the opportunity to meet some great people, and quite possibly the one that is just right for you.
Words to Use and Avoid:
Good Words: Affectionate, Likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down to earth, looking for best friend, educated, sophisticated, loving, generous, cute, reliable, my colleagues describe me as handsome, great legs, petite, curvaceous, hourglass figure, gentleman.
Words to Avoid: Some of the bad stuff I have seen in ads. (On some systems, you will get terminated using some of this language whether in your profile or in an email). These guys have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to look in the alternative personals. Here is what NOT to put in a personal on a regular/metro site: Well hung, great in bed, I'd love to satisfy you, sexually insatiable, animal, great lover, oral, fuck, blow, make love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual words. This stuff is SCARY to most women and runs them off.You can tweak and improve your profile as you go along.
Tweaking your profile: If you're getting the type of responses you're looking for, great. If you're getting responses from the wrong types of people or not getting as many responses as you'd like, then review your profile and think about how you can improve it and make yourself shine a little bit more. Most matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and parts of your ad. Take a look at it at least every couple of weeks.
How to search for a new friend: Each matchmaking system has different ways of searching for compatible profiles. Some have several ways. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH, FIND, and some allow you to make a Search Profile that you can reuse. You can search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnic background -- even by interest in having kids in the future.
A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start but read the answers and look at the essay. The percentages may be great but then the profile might be someone who sounds desperate and lonely, is someone just looking for sex or has totally different interests and values.
If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the photo can be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the person is down right unappealing, remember that amateur/family photos don't always make a person look their best. Look for profiles that match your ideal characteristics but also hit you the right way -- do the writers sound funny? Intellectual? Love animals as much as you do? Like to travel?
Posting Photos It is up to you to post a photo. You will increase your response rate TEN TIMES by posting a photo. People want to see who they are writing to, and many don't want to start a correspondence and waste time with someone that they don't know if there is even a initial attraction from a photo. If you want a lot of responses, you'd better have a picture. From my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it seems that people who don't have pictures of themselves are usually hiding something. So, if you don't have a picture, people are going to assume you look like a dog. If you are a high profile person in the city you live, offer in your profile to exchange photos from your personal (yahoo or hotmail, not your real email address). Make sure you put an accurate description of what you look like in your profile. You may want to say what celebrity you closely resemble.
People who say they don't have a photo or don't have a way to get one on line are either lazy or playing games. If you don't have a scanner at home or work, take a photo to KINKO's
(they are everywhere). Have your photo or photos scanned in a .jpg format. Most matchmaking systems do not allow you to send the zip files or unusable formats. Typically .jpg, .gif, and .bmp is
the limit and they must be sized down. Photos should have a shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no swimwear (except for secondary shots) and no family in your primary photo. Make sure you
are smiling in the photo. (Who wants to meet someone who looks angry and glum). Many companies allow
secondary shots that have your family and friends in the photos as long as you are in the photo. Don't use a photo in which you're dressed too revealingly -- you want to look elegant and alluring, but a picture of you
in a bikini is going to attract the wrong kind of responses.
What should you not send? You car, house, boat, photos of your kids or friends by themselves, photos where your face is the size of a pencil head, photos with your ex, dark shots, anything revealing, etc. Send your best photos. Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance. Your most recent photo of you camping (once in 5 years) with the ball cap on may leave a the impression that you don't want others to have. Again, think in terms of a resume. How would you want an employer to first see you? (Dressed nicely with your hair perfect). Ex. A good mix would be primary photo in a business suit or polo shirt, secondary photo out rock climbing with friends, third photo with two nephews at XMAS.
Out of Town or Unable to Answer email? Members of matchmaking systems expect responses to their emails quickly. If you can't answer emails for a week or two, edit your profile and at the top of the essay say "I will be out of town for "x time frame" and will not have access to email. Please ear mark my profile and write me back at "x time frame" and I will be happy to respond when I return." This is especially important during the summer months when people are on vacation and during holidays.
Reality Check 101: Dodging online liars, delusional people, weirdo's, married people and incompatible people.
For the most part, 90% of the time you should be meeting some really nice people. But be aware, there are smooth operators, charmers, and downright unsavory people everywhere. It take time to get to know someone and if you listen carefully, you will know if someone is telling a story or telling the truth.
Men in their 40's and 50's going after women 20 years younger: If you search for people that are more than 10 years older or younger, you will have poor response..... and a tough start at anything more than a friendship. Significant age difference can doom a relationship from the start. I am constantly amazed at the letters I get from women in their 20's and 30's who are appalled that they are getting emails from men that are 20 and 30 years older. I get appalled too....and then I have to think about it. Let's face it, getting old is not fun. Especially if you are divorced and in your 40's and 50's, and starting over....why not get a younger person to hang out with. Why is it that recently divorced men describe themselves as looking ten years younger and they have lots of stamina (what kind....can you keep up on a bike or skis?). Actually, you have to feel compassion for a lot of these guys. But it gets to be a bit much when a young woman is bombarded by emails from people that are totally incompatible.
Married Men and Women: Why should single women be interested in married men?. With the hundreds of men who answer your ad, why should you settle for someone who will have no time for you, no energy for you, no money to spend, no intentions of a future with you, twice your age and is a LIAR and a CHEAT that will probably do it to you....Do these guys get it? Please, don't waste our time! And that goes for the married women looking for "action" with an unsuspecting young man just trying to find a decent date. Now the good news for married people. Work it out with your spouse and if you can't and you are really wanting this type of activity, there are better places for what you are looking for where people will be receptive. Take a look at:Meet Sexy Singles
Separated, Recently Separated or Recently Divorced- Separated people are still "married people" that may end up working things out with their spouses. The online personals is not a place to get back at your spouse for having an affair on you or rejecting you sexually. Save yourself and everyone else the heartache and get some counseling. If you are recently divorced, wait until you have had 6 months from the time of the divorce to heal before dating.
Married People, Bi-Sexual, One Night Stands, and other interests in Alternative Lifestyles: These are the people that tend to write all of the "words to avoid" printed above. We get emails constantly from singles that are offended and ready to dump their already paid membership as they only want to meet other available singles for long term healthy realtionships. Let's face it, we live in a world today where there are all types and different moral codes. If you would be offended by this, just ignore the email or send an email back saying that you are not interested, and then if the service provides it, use the "block" function. If you are Married, Bi-Sexual, looking for a One Night Stand, Alternative Lifestyle, Swinging, etc, please help the rest of us who are managing systems where people are looking for dates with available people that will lead to relationships and click here to find what you are looking for:Alternative Lifestyles Dating
In the age of the internet, you are now in control! You now have the BEST way to find dates that are compatible with your values, goals and dreams. With Matchmaking Online, you eliminate Dead End Relationships, endless hours in bars, and increase your chances for finding someone who is compatible based on several criteria. There are several great services out there. Why should you give any of these services a chance? The administrator of Singlesonthego.com, Lynne G. was an administrator for one of the top Matchmaking systems. She has tried all of them, including newspaper ads, singles groups, clubs, and made lots of friends. The information on this website comes from over 10 years of system administration, questions, answers and complaints, Here is a list of frequently asked questions.
What makes "paid personals " different from free classifieds? Paid personals typically have a higher quality membership of singles who are looking to meet someone to date, are hopeful they will find a relationship, and less likely to be people playing games. You know the old saying, "you get what you pay for". . . . . . and FREE doesn't necessarily mean quality.
How do matchmaking systems differ from free classifieds? Most free classifieds (like Plenty of Fish) are one or two sentences that someone posts that tell you very little about the other person. The average person that posts a free personal is a first time person that really doesn't know what to write to tell about themselves, or is a game player that is good at charming/hiding their real self. Matchmaking systems provide you with the most compatible match and quality members to choose from. Most matchmaking systems have questionnaires that provides the most accurate match based on many criteria. In addition, some allow you put your personality into your answers to the essay questions. Similarity is determined in advance! With Matchmaking systems, you know in advance whether someone has common interests, goals, values, personality traits, habits, and more. Free classifieds lack the matching questions and essay questions.
What kind of people will I meet on a internet matchmaking system? Matchmaking type Dating Services reflect the general population of the internet, typically 70-80% white collar, a high percentage with college degrees, a mix of never married, divorced, widowed, single parents and you will find a few swingers and married people looking for anything from new friends to one night stands. Heterosexual singles tend to go to Metro or national systems and the married, swinger, gay/lesbian tend to go to systems that cater to their interests. The majority of the profiles typically are members ranging from 28-50. Younger singles typically are still meeting a lot of people in bars or playing around with MySpace.com and Facebook. Singles who are 28-50 are tired of trying to meet singles in bars, they have been fixed up on lots of blind dates, don't want to spend $2000 for a dating service. If they are a single parent, just don't have the time to go out and meet someone. It is easy to hop on line and search after their kids are in bed.
Why try meeting people on the internet? You have tried it all, haven't you and you are still single:. the bars, the church groups, getting fixed up on blind dates by friends, meeting people at work and now you have run out of quality people to meet. I love the comments "God will find someone for me when the time is right," or "I must be going through a dry spell." WAKE UP! The fact is that YOU are in control of your own destiny. And you have to get out there and meet people. God can't help you find the love of your life if you are sitting at home watching TV. You have to go out and meet people, make new friends. Online dating sites are just one of many avenues to make new friends. That doesn't mean that everyone will meet the love of their life on the internet. But the more people you meet from a variety of sources, the greater chances of meeting your future mate, and making several new friends in the process.
What are some of the benefits of meeting on line? Meeting people online is totally unlike the random chance meetings at a bar or business conference, or the limited compatibility of meeting someone through a certain type of activity that you enjoy.
How do I get the best results from using a matchmaking system? Make sure that you fill out the profile honestly and completely. Fill out any essay questions with at least 2 or three sentence answers. Use the SEARCH, MATCH, and BROWSE features provided on many of the systems to narrow down choices.
Doesn't it take time
to use a matchmaking system? Your time is valuable. Why waste
time in the bars. Why waste time, money, and energy meeting people who are
not compatible just because they were kind enough to answer you newspaper
A matchmaking system will provide you with the closest matches in
advance. You can check profiles and email at your leisure. This
gives you more information than trying to meet someone in a bar
A matchmaking system will provide you with the closest matches in advance. You can check profiles and email at your leisure. This gives you more information than trying to meet someone in a bar. In addition you have immediate, interactive access ANYTIME (from any location, even if you are out of town on business) to browse profiles, send e-mail and chat on line. For the busy single, and the busy single parent this is critical.
How does Online Dating compare to Speed Dating?Speed Dating is usually a one shot deal. It's new, it's different, and everyone wants to try it once. You attend a party and literally must spend an entire evening meeting and talking to everyone of the opposite sex that is assigned to meet with you, usually 8-10 attendees. You may get lucky, but reality, the chances are low. 1. You don't get to target criteria that are important to you before meeting all these people and can waste an evening with a lot of people that are definite misses. 2. Most of the decision on checking someone as a "yes" has to do with physical attractiveness as you have only a few minutes to talk to people. 3. You screen people on the phone or by email after you meet them. With online dating, you can pick and choose from hundreds, thousands of singles and focus on singles that fit criteria you are looking for.
Is it confidential? Yes, all systems allow you to use a handle or a name you designate. This gives you total anonymity. Most systems provide you with your own User ID, Number and Password and a free e-mail account assigned for use within the Matchmaker Service. No one has access to any of your personal information outside of the profile you publish. All access is through Browsing, E-Mail and Chat on the system. In fact, it is highly recommended you use a handle, nickname or something cute as your anonymous name on the system you choose. Do not use a name that sounds sexual, desperate, lonely, etc. You will just end up with poor results. Examples of poor choices for handles: Horndog523 just sounds like someone looking for a one night stand or a married person looking for kicks. Lonelyguy203 sounds like someone who has no life. Coolgal983 sounds like a woman who isn't cool that needs to make herself look cool. Cinderella625 sounds like someone living in fantasy waiting for prince charming. Pick something that sounds catchy, makes you stand out and also sounds like you are a winner, the one you want to meet. Examples of good choices for handles: Runner163 sounds like someone who runs marathons, is in shape and may have their act together. Operalover122 sounds like someone who is into the arts.
Is there a risk to using a matchmaking system? Only a few dollars a month and your time. You may or may not find Mr. or Ms. Right immediately. A good rule of thumb is to give a system at least 3 months trial. Holidays and warm weather can affect membership, although there are people looking to meet new friends all the time.
Is it costly to join a Matchmaking System? No.....It is very AFFORDABLE! Compare these time efficient system and their low monthly fees of $12.95-$34.95 a month (usually less cost per month for 3, 6, 12 month memberships) to the other national video dating services that can cost $1,000-$2,000 or more. And you have to take the time to go in and view videos and folders of profiles....who has the time. Also, compare Matchmaking systems low costs with services that rack up monthly bills on 1-900#'s.
How many matchmaking systems should I try? How do I evaluate these systems? How long should I use a system? Try at least 2 or 3 matchmaking systems. Unless you are looking for a long distance romance (which is costly and time consuming), try to find a matchmaking system that has a large base of singles in the are you live. A good matchmaking company will have a database of over 5,000 members for cities of 1 million to 2 million people and the 10 largest cities in the US will have between 15,000-30000 members. Don't be fooled by the numbers that are on the main/intro page. The data is everything from how many people created profiles in the last year on their system, since the inception of their system and there are a few honest companies that "scrub" their system of old profiles monthly so you are only viewing new data. If the data on the system gives you matches that have only a few members in your age bracket that have logged on in the last week, dump it and move on to another service. Why commit time to a system where people don't stay or don't come back? Numbers attract numbers and the systems with the most recent users keep getting more. When you find a couple of good systems, sign up for 3 months. You can't expect to find someone right away. And over a few months, new people will sign up daily. Below is a comparison of the top dating services.
What matchmaking services should I use? Click on the following links to try a few of the best matchmaking services on the internet today.
Check it out: Match.com 3 day free trial Special for Singlesonthego.com readers:
Connect for FREE! Make contact for 3 days without paying a dime! Match.com 3 day free trial
The best places to meet people on the net today:
Match.com 3 day free trial
is really FREE! One of the MUST TRY Dating sites on-line. Match is a leader in online personals, matchmaking and dating.
Spark Completely FREE . The best place to meet quality singles. They have more than 9 million members with 15,000 more joining each day. You're a few clicks away from your new love life.EHarmony is an outgrowth of the general principles on marriage and relationships outlined by Dr. Neil Clark Warren in his books, seminars and clinical practice. Check out his books: Finding the Love of Your Life and How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less.
Chemistry is a new site from the team at Match.com, designed especially for people who are actively seeking meaningful, long-term relationships. Relationships are built on two equally important foundations: compatibility and chemistry. Other sites may help you find out if you're compatible, but only Chemistry next-generation system, based on years of research into human attraction and successful relationships, is designed to help you find both of these essential elements.Single Democrats Meet Up with single Democrats that have liberal, independent or moderate views of the world.
Single Republicans Personals and Dating for Conservative Singles. Dating for GOP Conservative Republican Single
Find A Date Now The solution to finding a great date! Dinner and a movie? Dancing? Holding hands, and great conversation while you share a bottle of wine? Find a date in your city now!
BBW Personals Plus Big beautiful people, meet here! If you are a BBW or just admire big women, BBW Personals Plus is for you. Chat, photos, detailed profiles and more. This is a comfortable community for BBW singles.
Looking for someone that shares your faith? The following systems have the largest databases of quality singles in each religious category:
Check out the following Ethnic Communities:
View Photos of Latino Singles on Match Match.com te ofrece un lugar seguro para conocer a otros solteros/as que se ajusten a lo que estás buscando. Es tambíen un lugar excelente para hacer buenas amistades, y sobre todo crear relaciones que pueden llegar a ser duraderas fuera de la red.Latino Hispanic Dating Search the second largest Canadian personals dating service with over 10 million singles for FREE. Send instant messages to singles, email, chat, flirt, ice breakers. French Friend Finder Meet French speaking singles: Canada, US, France, Europe and more.
Italian Singles Caters to Italians and singles who love them! Interact in both the native Italian and English through live chat, message boards, email.
UK Singles Connection Date other singles in Great Britain, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. UK online personals site with chat rooms, thousands of personal profiles, and much more. A personals service for men and women looking for a partner to share love, romance and relationships.
Asian Dating Over 5 million Asian singles. Meet Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or Korean single women and single men. Email Asian singles with both Chinese and English interface. Meet sexy single Asian women in all Asia and the United States. Find Asian singles penpals, chat, friends and dating.Chinese dating and personals-Friend finder for Chinese singles in search of dates, romance or marriage. Find Chinese singles, ladies seeking a Chinese marriage or Chinese women seeking friendship or Chinese penpals . One of the largest Chinese personals and Chinese matchmaking service in China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, and United States Visit Filipino chat rooms and meet Filipino singles today. Filipino Friend Finder is free to join. Filipino singles chat, send instant messages, and browse through the worldwide database of singles profiles. rean Singles Online dating site for Korean singles. Find romance, pen pals, new friends, and activity partner and friend finder. Indian Dating and Matrimonial Network Dating site for singles from India or of Indian decent. Find Indian singles serious about marriage: Hindu, Sikh, Christian, and Muslim.
Single Over 50?
Speed Dating in Your CitySpeed Dating for Singles Singles Speed Dating in Your City: Hurry Date, 8 minute Dating, Cosmo Party, Lock and Key Parties, Moxie in the City and more!
MetroDates Browse the personals by Metro area. Find a date in your city today!
Best Singles Link The best singles sites on the internet. Lists links by national, regional, religious, and more
What are the best ways to meet singles in your city? Go to as many singles events as you can. Variety is the key. Don't focus on any one type of group. First: Meet young single professionals at fundraisers, singles charity and civic organizations. Second: Join sports leagues, singles hiking, biking, outdoors, or adventures clubs. Third: Join a church or religious group for Christian, Catholic, or Jewish singles. Also check out singles cruises and travel. Newly divorced or single parent? Get help at a singles support or divorce recovery group.
What about online dating? Check out dating advice on Singlesonthego.com to learn how to place personal ads to meet single men and women online. Find great dating advice for online personals and meeting singles by using various dating services, dating agencies, matchmakers, introductions services. Check out the singles scene in your area to find a new relationship today! Check out the list of online dating services above categorized by general, foreign/ethnic, religious, alternative, senior and single parents.